Surviving domestic abuse – a male resident shares his story
We have been highlighting our support for 16 Days of Action – taking a stand to end violence against women and girls which is running from 25 November to 10 December. Approximately 1 in 6 men in the UK have experienced a form of domestic abuse in their lifetime and over 700,000 men fall victim to domestic abuse every year in the UK.
We spoke to a resident who shared his story of the abuse he suffered from his ex-partner and the support he received.
*We have changed the resident’s name to John to protect their identity.
John’s story
John moved into Settle temporary accommodation with his two children four years ago when he left his family home because of the abuse he was suffering from his ex-partner.
Settle supports local authority partners, North Hertfordshire Council and St Albans District Council by providing temporary accommodation along with tenancy and housing related support.
John had been suffering for years as his ex-partner was very aggressive and controlling, the abuse became physical. John was advised by social services to leave the family home with his children for all of their safety.
John explains:
“We had two young children and things were getting worse. The abuse affected my work, friendships and the communication I had with my family. My ex-partner took control of every aspect of my life. I thought that was my destiny.
“I kept it all inside. I think it’s pride as a man, I couldn’t tell my friends or my family as I felt ashamed. I stopped talking at work and isolating myself. At home I tried my best. I cooked, I cleaned, did the gardening – nothing was good enough, the abuse continued. I knew I was trapped; I didn’t want to leave my young children.
“Social services got involved and they could see something wasn’t right. My ex-partner put the blame on me and said that I was the perpetrator when in fact I was the victim. We both got support from the charity ‘For Baby’s Sake.’ They provide support for families to move forward in positive change to break the cycle and history of domestic abuse.
I can recommend the support they give.
“It was really difficult to get support as a man. I felt really isolated and struggled to find somewhere to live. Eventually I moved into temporary accommodation provided through Settle. I can’t put into words the support I received from Settle it’s hard to describe it, they’ve been amazing.
“Settle gave me a roof over my head they supported me with things like paperwork and general admin. They listened when I needed to speak to someone. This all helped to give me back my independence to help me to get back to who I was. It also helped me to get my children into a good routine and find myself.”
Advice John would give to other men who need help.
“The advice I would give to a man who is suffering domestic abuse is don’t stay in the same scenario, there is help out there. Don’t let your pride take over, as a man I always kept things bottled up. I felt ashamed running away from a woman. If you’re not happy, your children will be affected, and men can bring children up. I have lots of support now, I am standing on my own two feet and looking forward to the future.”
More information and support
We have colleagues at Settle who are specially trained to provide help and support. More information can be found on our Domestic Abuse webpage. If you are in an emergency and feel that you are in immediate danger, it is important that you dial 999 first for urgent assistance.
